32 year old living in Southern Illinois. Many fandoms including but not limited too: Marvel, Borderlands, Star Wars, Hawkguy, Steven Universe, Discworld, Hockey, Gravity Falls, Disney and lots of cat pictures.
shoutout to my recently acquired follower who i almost blocked as a bot due to their absolutely featureless blog, but then decided a collection of likes consisting entirely of Danny Phantom fanworks was probably indicative of a human mind
In honor of Day of the Dead, here’s a repost of my comic about the San Francisco Columbarium and the man who spent 26 years restoring it.
This comic originally appeared on Medium at The Nib. Go check out my other work there.
Emmitt and the Columbarium.
Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
You can not just say this without dropping the whole story
Ok so,
My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.
The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:
"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"
The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.
The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:
This is a robbery
Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead
I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).
So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.
A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:
Her: how can I help you today?
Him: I’m here to get money
Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*
Him: all the information is on the paper
Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper
SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.
Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.
ONE HOUR LATER
Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.
To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”
Her: I am so embarrassed
FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-
Her: I feel so dumb!
FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)
I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.
He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.
So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.
"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."
This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".
One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.
One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.
My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."
This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.
My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.
This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy
#Thinking about Roy taking Jamie to his kebab place, his safe place. Roy went to Jamie’s safe place, his childhood home. Jamie was also introduced to Phoebe and Roy visited Amsterdam thanks to Roy. They really trust and know each other
my one skill is expertly manipulating the shape of the eggs I’m cooking so that they fit perfectly onto my toast every time
Bow down to your king
I can’t stop outdoing myself
Remember that post? The one that said “what if we all have super powers but they’re so mundane we don’t realize?” That post? This is proof that post was right
The main reason I want Cal and Merrin to have a bio child is to add fuel to my theoretical Kata and Ezra's rivalry. And both ship crews' dynamic in general.
Imagine the Ghost crew and the Mantis crew meet each other in the future: the two Padawans, first start making snide remarks to the other and then show off their force abilities. Sabine, being the Gadfly of the situation, constantly comes up with new challenges to fuel their antagonism.
Meanwhile, Jacen and the Merrical child REALLY don't like each other and they are viciously fighting because "my parent/big sibling is better than yours!" and they need to be separated by Zeb and Greez. Yes, a 6′8″ feet tall Lasat and a four-armed Latero are struggling to hold back two little kids when they are about to get physical while criticizing the other for failing to keep their kid in check.
In the meantime Chopper and BD-1 have basically developed a relationship akin to Tom & Jerry. As meaning that they are always on the verge of killing each other in a battle of violent slapstick and 50s cartoon hijikins.
Hera and Merrin are watching all the chaos unfold in the background. Hera is drinking caf, she's too tired to intervene because being a General of the New Republic takes its toll and at the end of the working day she does not have the energy to stop the madness. However, a silent and seemingly stoic Merrin is greatly enjoying the ongoing havoc.
And in all this chaos, where are their husbands? Cal and Kanan (yes, Kanan is alive, what is this 'Jedi Night' you speak of?) are passed out piss drunk in the floor after a night of catching up with their old friend and remembering the good ol' days at the Jedi Temple.
Yall remember how Texas had that "report an abortion" form that they had to take down after a week?
Well, Missouri has one, only it's for reporting transgender concerns.
Comrades. Friends. Romans. Countrymen. You know what to do.
This is the time to get creative with it, too, because realistic reports are a Bad idea here (they will get used as “evidence” that gender affirming care is dangerous). We actually want to send all the random, wild shit we can think of!
my final form
yeah. for once, actual random bullshit works.
most times, I advise against sending obviously fake things because they can just filter it. but submitting things that seem plausible, even if they are completely fake, will be used as a reason to actively harm us. because these people don't care whether or not they're telling the truth.
so don't make up believable stories. instead just spam them with copypastas until your email gets blacklisted. then get a new email and spam them again.
isekai about a nyc apartment block getting teleported into a fantasy realm, and how this group of people who previously have only had incidental contact with one another come together to build a vibrant community in their new circumstances. there's a season-long arc about introducing bagels and pizza to the fantasy world that gets into the details of sourcing ingredients, developing new technologies, and learning how to work with supernatural substitutions.
Clarifying question: just the people or the buildings and animal life too?
And does it include random people on the street at the time of the transfer?
oh the whole thing for sure, im picturing the whole city block with a crust of sidewalk just dropped onto the outskirts of a small medieval village. im thinking theres probably a corner store and a couple other things included too, so youve got the people who work there or were shopping at the time of the transfer too.
i hadnt thought of animals but having a whole thing w pigeons would be awesome too; have new york feral pigeons meeting with tamed messenger pigeons of the era, a raccoon that was sleeping in a trash can eats a magical necklace and starts talking. love it.
ALTfucking love this. an army of monster rats descend upon the kingdom, led by a single subway rat under the banner of a half-eaten pizza crust
But they do not anticipate the rise of the Hero, their one, true, and most worthy foe—
THE BODEGA CAT
Meanwhile, in NYC, the patch of fantasy forest that the city block swapped places with is breaking zoning laws, interfering with subway lines, releasing fantastic flora and fauna into the skyscrapers, sewers, and Central Park alike, and dividing residents over the question of what should—or shouldn’t—be done about it. An upcoming mayoral election focuses the city’s underlying anxieties about housing, the environment, coexistence, and changing times onto the ballot.
But the orc who got transported while gathering glowberries isn’t thinking about all of that, even as it threatens their continued existence. Right now, they’ve got only one thing on their mind: making it big on Broadway.
Toheeb Jimoh and Tyler James Williams gushing over each other’s Emmy look is a very wholesome and beautiful thing! (video via @Essence on Twitter)
